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The Haute Route : Day 6

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days
(« back to day 1)

Day 6 : Vignettes Hut to Zermatt

1170m up, 2730m down, 30km across



The longest day demands an early start, so I'm up at 4:50am, a few minutes before everybody else in the bunkroom (estimated occupancy: 30 people and 10 snoring chainsaws). Walking outside towards the cliff toilets, I realize three important things:
  1. It's damn cold in the middle of the night above 3000m
  2. Lashing winds have numbed my face and hands within seconds
  3. The sun has no intention of rising soon

Nevertheless, the hut is buzzing with anticipation as everyone hurries to eat and pack up. Today will be long but glorious: with good weather, we'll see the Matterhorn and the Dent d'Hérens towering above our heads during the 18km descent into Zermatt.

We're out the door, and I'm prepared for the weather this time: hood up, face covered, goggles on. We walk the cliff's edge back towards Pigne d'Arolla, struggling to keep fingers warm and trudging through knee-deep spindrift powder. We jump in our skis and cross the Glacier du Mont Collon in a fast, icy traverse. Rough clumps of ice grab at my skis.

We spend an hour climbing up to the Col de l'Evêque (3382m), still blasted by the cold morning winds. Our next descent begins icily, but we find powder above the flat Haut Glacier d'Arolla: yet another visit to fluffy white heaven! We zoom out onto the flats of the glacier and begin our second ascent.

It's easy going until we reach a steep 100m wall, directly below the Col du Mont Brulé (3213m). Other groups have kicked a nice bootpack, so we all climb on foot... except our junior guide, Phillipe. He quickens his pace as he zigs and zags tight turns up the wall on skins. We're done by 9:20am, but Phillipe beats us with minutes to spare. Damn.

The subsequent 140m descent seems to last mere seconds. Though somewhat obvious, I suppose, it's still remarkable how quickly one can descend huge altitudes on skis. When hiking or trekking, descents are perhaps two or three times faster than ascents. On skis, it seems like descents are 10x-30x faster. You barely even notice them.

At last, the final ascent awaits: a 490m push up the Haut Glacier de Tsa de Tsan. For purely psychological reasons, this proves to be crushing. Knowing that it's all downhill on the other side makes it painfully difficult to concentrate. I climb final 200m in a daze, loosely aware that I'm clustered with Alex and a pair of Italians that we've seen before: nobody is talking. Clouds envelop us near the summit, and we lose sight of the group; we trudge around exhaustedly in various directions until we find a cluster of familiar backpacks and jackets. Eventually I realize that we're basically done now: we've reached the top of Col de Valpelline (3557m), nearly 5 hours after leaving the hut.

Much to Alex and Matt's surprise, Jean calls out for all remaining lunch food: including the cheese from Chamonix and the kilogram of Verbier bread! Remarkably, my companions haven't jettisoned their cargo along the way, so we refuel before the long descent. My mind wanders as the clouds unveil the surrounding peaks, including the awe-inspiring 4477m Matterhorn. Wow.

Descending the Stockji glacier on a sunny afternoon is, quite simply, unforgettable. Elated by knowing that we have nothing left to ascend, Alex observes that it's like a video game: we bounce around between crevasses and ice blocks, slushing through the wet afternoon snow and marvelling at the sunny scenery.

Though easy today, apparently it's challenging to navigate these glacial features in a storm. Jean comments that the route changes significantly each year: early in the season, he always records his path on GPS. When he gets caught in storms on later trips, he follows the route and typically ends up leading small armies of skiers through the maze.

Eventually the valley flattens completely and we struggle to maintain our speed, hopping over rocks and obstacles along the way. Before we can reach the resort of Zermatt, we end up dismounting and walking a few kilometers along a soggy dirt road. Tired and dirty, we're all grumpy and eager to get back to civilization: walking through mud has little appeal. But we soon reach the Stafelalp restaurant, at which point we can skate and ski along a painfully flat catwalk, a slight improvement on walking.

At Füri, we discover that the short piste down to Zermatt is lacking anything that resembles snow. We can take the gondola down, but such a dull ending to our journey seems unacceptable. Instead, we enjoy sliding down wet grass and mud, sticking to the shadows and the narrow trail of slush that somebody has conveniently shoveled for our benefit. As we reach the town, I'm somewhat awe-struck in disbelief: we actually made it!

This being Zermatt, nobody pays much attention to our motley crew. Smelly mountaineers are nothing special: the town is crawling with as many harnessed, axe-wielding skiers as Japanese tourists. Matt, Alex, and I end up parting ways with the group, all of whom are immediately returning to Chamonix... but we have better plans: a night at the nicest hotel we can find, followed by a cruisy day of skiing the resort. Good times.






The Haute Route : Day 5

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days
(« back to day 1)

Day 5 : Dix Hut to Vignettes Hut

950m up, 730m down, 7km across



Wearing contact lenses sucks when there's no running water. At least I can buy bottles of mineral water ($6 each), but I haven't seen soap in days. Next time I'll bring hand sanitizer.


Today is the biggest continuous climb of the trip: 950m in one fell swoop, up to our second true summit, Pigne d'Arolla (3790m). Conveniently enough, it's another crisp dawn on another bluebird day. I've seldom been so happy to be awake at this hour.

We drop down 100m and cross the Glacier de Cheilon, stopping to skin up minutes later. Jean sets a deliberate, slow climbing pace and the entire group sticks closely together. This is a smart move: we've climbed 300m before I even notice my legs moving.

Zigging and zagging upwards, we gaze at crevasses and icy blue caverns below the pointy rocks of Tsena Refien. The trail is superb: our predecessors have picked a comfortable angle of ascent and cut nicely into the slope, allowing me to stand upright without awkwardly rolling my ankles downhill. This makes all the difference: I kick turns with an effortless grace that few men have ever achieved.

Sunlight catches us on a high plateau, directly below a 100m wall of ice known as La Serpentine (right edge of photo). As you might expect from a wall, it looks pretty damn steep. Yikes. I'm wondering whether we shouldn't go on foot, but Jean seems unconcerned: he's not even sure that ski crampons are necessary. I'd rather not take my chances, so I attach them under my feet.

And indeed, it's not easy climbing. The trail carved into the icy snow is too narrow to accomodate both of my skis, so my downhill leg dangles helplessly as I push along. The steepness and the exposure do little to calm my nerves. At the crux, both guides stand below the kick turn platform and support all the clients by bracing our skis with their poles. My uphill ski flips around easily enough, but it's always the downhill ski that's the tricky one. I can't even get it halfway around before my tip is wedged on the steep ice above me. I let go of my poles, which dangle from my wrists, and use both hands to yank on my ski tip and force it around the turn. Not an impressive display.

The final 200m ascent to Pigne d'Arolla is mellow, and we're at the summit before 11:00am. I already know it will be impossible capture the panorama on film: we can see from Mont Blanc to the Matterhorn, and even the Jungfraujoch in the distant Bernese Alps. Truly spectacular. This is the highest point we'll reach, about 2200m (7200') above Zermatt. But it's not all downhill yet: another full day of climbing awaits us tomorrow.

Summits mean descents, so we enjoy a long, steep 630m descent to the Vignettes Hut. No fresh tracks to be found on this section, but the snow is forgiving and hasn't yet transformed into wet concrete.


We quickly spot the Vignettes Hut below us, perched on the edge of a wide chasm (see photo). Skating along the rim to reach the entrance, I wonder how the Swiss ever managed to build this massive structure. I grip the handrail tightly and explore the perimeter. Amazingly, the toilets are located beyond the cliff's edge: all waste falls directly through a hole and drops 100m onto the glacier below. Not a pretty picture.

On the positive side, the hut features a convenient helipad for sunbathing. We spend another rough afternoon drinking beer and playing cards, enjoying our last evening in the mountains.

Day 6 : Vignettes Hut to Zermatt »






The Haute Route : Day 4

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days
(« back to day 1)

Day 4 : Prafleuri Hut to Dix Hut

740m up, 430m down, 9km across



We awake to a glorious sunrise: another bluebird day! Phillipe, our younger guide, informs us that the expected storm front has passed ahead of schedule and we can look forward to great weather for the remainder of the trip.

The snow is hard and icy in the cool morning air, but the first ascent passes quickly: half an hour to climb 180m up Col de Roux. It's only 7:45am. I reflect that, on a normal Wednesday, I'd be sleeping until 9:00am and accomplishing almost nothing before noon. Then again, on a normal day I can stay awake past 10:00pm.

From the col, we can clearly see much of our journey ahead: a traverse along the flat shores of Lac de Dix, followed by a steady 1400m climb up to Pigne d'Arolla. Today we'll only climb 550m up to the next hut, taking it relatively easy. Tomorrow will not be as forgiving.

The traverse is firm and icy: ideal conditions, actually. Fresh snow or slush would make the crossing both tiresome and dangerous, as the slopes above the lake are notoriously avalanche-prone. At first, we move quickly, dropping down from the pass and moving away from the lake in a sweeping arc along the contour lines. We cross a number of slide paths, littered with knee-high chunks of frozen debris, dodging carefully to avoid hard falls. Rejoining the lake, we move more slowly, trying to keep a high line but inevitably needing to side-step up the slope every few minutes.

Our guide Phillipe, who's never actually skied this route before, leads five clients far too low, forcing them to regain many precious vertical meters. Matt isn't pleased with this segment of our journey, wishing he could be climbing Col du Chardonnet again instead. Alex is suffering too, having begun the traverse with his climbing shims in the upright and locked position: I was baffled as he collapsed in total exhaustion every 100m, until he finally noticed the problem. D'oh! But lucky me, I'm perfectly content: I like that we've endured a variety of obstacles instead of simply skinning each day (which is, conveniently, not my strongest skill).

We reach the end of the lake by 9:00am and begin an icy climb up towards the Glacier de Cheilon. It's not easy. Alex, who has thus far managed nicely without ski crampons, decides to throw in the towel and hike up the slope. I'm tempted to join him, but I have no real excuse, and probably ought to entertain the crowd with a few of my famous kick turns, flopping around like a fish out of the water. As is customary, my body decides to shed excess water weight by dousing itself in sweat. Soon enough, the slope mellows out and we can relax more, gliding up the sunny slope and reaching the Dix Hut (2928m) well before noon.

After a quick lunch, Alex joins Phillipe for a 600m climb of nearby La Luette (3548m), and finds some of the best spring corn he's ever seen. Matt and I remain defiantly lazy, and spend the subsequent six hours lying in the sun on the hut's balcony, gawking at the ceracs of Mont Blanc de Cheilon and drinking beer. Life is good.

Day 5 : Dix Hut to Vignettes Hut »





The Haute Route : Day 3

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days
(«back to introduction)

Day 3 : Verbier to Prafleuri Hut

800m up, 1500m down, 10km across



Waking up clean and refreshed is an under-appreciated luxury. 5:45am doesn't feel so early today, and I'm looking forward to a fully-automated morning itinerary: a bus from Champex to Le Châble, followed by a few vertical kilometers of gondolas and trams.

Sleeping in civilization and travelling on roads is an unnatural break in an otherwise pure ski tour, but the Classic Route has always been done with such interruptions. Verbier, however, is actually a variation of the Classic Route, which ordinarily connects through the town of Bourg St. Pierre. Our variation apparently requires a bit less climbing and bypasses the Plateau du Couloir, which can be dangerous in heavy storms.

Apparently dissatisfied with the amount of weight we're carrying, Jean seizes an opportunity to go shopping for more provisions. He returns with dozens of oranges, apples, pears, ham, cheese, and bread. Since we haven't eaten any of the bread or cheese I've been carrying, I get off easy this time with just a few pieces of fruit, which I eat immediately. Alex, who was scolded yesterday for skiing ahead of the guides, becomes the proud recipient of a loaf of bread. Weighing a full kilogram, it probably increases his pack weight by 10%. I wonder if Jean isn't regretting how little safety equipment we brought, and perhaps intends to use the bread as a snow anchor. Or maybe we need a bludgeon to fend off marauding polar bears? We place bets on whether it will be eaten before reaching Zermatt.

In any event, we enjoy a pleasant ride up to Verbier's Col des Gentianes (2894m), beginning to ski at 10:30am with a short, icy descent and quick 200m ascent of Col de la Chaux (2940m). Though we awoke to dense cloud and fog in Champex, we've managed to rise above the weather and marvel at our continuing luck. Blue skies make happy skiers!

We remove our skins and descend a bumpy, well-trodden traverse behind Mont Fort. Another gentle ascent leads up 250m to Col de Momin (3003m), and we climb further up towards Rosablanche (3336m), the first actual peak we'll be tackling. The weather has become unsettled again, but we have enough visibility to see the path ahead, and reach the summit by 1:00pm without too much hassle, climbing the final portion on foot.

The trail today is more crowded than before, as apparently Rosablanche is a popular day-trip destination for backcountry skiers and snowboarders. Two rescue helicopters land nearby to pick up injured skiers. Military helicopters are buzzing everywhere, dropping bundles of heavy supplies for next week's race from Zermatt to Verbier. It's not exactly the kind of solitude and peace that many seek in the mountains, but we know that other days will offer quieter moments.

After a quick lunch in the snow, we enjoy a 600m descent through the clouds, with more great snow at the top, getting heavier farther down. No sunshine, but no wind either: apart from the first few minutes on the summit of Grands Montets, it's been perfectly still the whole time.

We reach the Cabine de Prafleuri (2624m) by 2:30pm, and enjoy another lazy afternoon of playing cards and drinking wine. We're pleased to discover that, contrary to what appears our guidebook, the hut has been newly rebuilt and offers some of the nicest facilities in the region, including showers and sinks. Other guests and guides advise us that the French have the worst huts, and the Italians the best: apparently they'll make you authentic espresso each morning. I add "ski touring in Italy" to my ever growing "to-do" list, and sleep soundly, despite the snoring.

Day 4 : Prafleuri Hut to Dix Hut »

The Haute Route : Day 2

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days
(«back to introduction)

Day 2 : Argentière Hut to Champex

1050m up, 2325m down, 16km across



It's 6:00am and the hut is buzzing, headlamps beaming across the dark, musty room. Nobody seems to have slept fitfully, except the snoring gentlemen lying a few inches to my left. As he continues his virtuoso performance, I crawl out of bed and choke down the stale bread being offered as breakfast.

Despite having relatively few belongings, Matt and I are still organizing our gear at 7:10am, not yet accustomed to the morning mountain routine. Our group is already waiting outside in the cold morning air, so we quickly scramble out the door and run to catch up. How did we become the slow ones?

No matter. The sunrise on Aiguille Verte is glorious, not a cloud in the sky. We cruise down 200 meters in a gentle traverse before reaching the start of our first major ascent: the Col du Chardonnet. Taking a deep breath, I start the first icy pitch and quickly discover that my skins are all but useless. Others are struggling too, stumbling through kick turns and fighting to hold their grip on the hard snow. It's not a pretty sight, and once again, I'm a sweaty mess. I try to embrace the suffering, but end up muttering under my breath while Jean offers colorful commentary:

"Snap your heels! Make your legs parallel!"

"Your water pouch and drinking hose are useless! Get a normal bottle!"

Time passes slowly, and I begin contemplating Jean's untimely demise. It's a good thing that we left the ice axes behind in Chamonix.

Higher up, the snow is softer and my kick turns become less of a spectacle. By 9:30am, we reach the top of the col and welcome ourselves back into Switzerland. But where's the border control and currency exchange? We've clearly found a hole in the Swiss defences.

We pause to admire the Glacier de Saleina directly below us. The only question is: how to get down there? A steep, narrow chute drops 75m before opening onto the plateau. It can be skied, but falling would have somewhat serious consequences, so we rope up and the guides lower us down individually.



Meanwhile, a few dozen other skiers have assembled at the col and begin to set up their own anchors. It's a complete circus. A group of Italians decides to descend wearing crampons, all roped together in a huddled mass. Soon they've fallen down and lost a crampon, which tumbles dangerously down the chute. One of our group loses a ski and decides to slide down the remainder of the pitch on his ass.

Gathering the troops, we finally press onwards, enjoying an easy traverse down and a gentle climb up towards the Fenêtre de Saleina. The last hundred meters are too steep for skins, so we kick steps in the soft snow and reach the top in minutes. Once again, we're rewarded for our efforts with an entirely new vista: the vast and gentle Plateau du Trient, closely surrounded by rocky spires and corniced ridges. We stop for lunch and enjoy a bit of sunshine before the big descent.

Having skied at resorts my whole life, I've long regarded traverses and catwalks as irritating obstacles. But when skis are used as a mode of transportation, I realize that traverses can be immensely satisfying. Gliding through remote alpine basins, you can quickly move distances that would take hours to travel on foot. And I'm perfectly content to stare at the surroundings while my skis keep me going in the right direction.

My attention focuses as we descend the steeper Glacier du Trient, which is decked in a few inches of fresh powder and large swaths of rock-hard glacier ice. We laugh and smile through the turns before taking a hard right and departing the lovely glacier. One minor challenge remains: a 100m ascent of the Col des Ecandies, which is easily climbed on foot.

We're done with glaciers for the day, and it's all downhill from here. 1300m down, to be exact. We cruise through the sunny Val d'Arpette, enjoying the powdery turns below the col and hydroplaning across the soggy slush near the town of Champex. It's a short walk to our modest dormitory hotel, where we feel like kings: we have running water, showers, toilets, and individual mattresses. Victory is ours!

Day 3 : Verbier to Prafleuri Hut »




The Haute Route

Chamonix-Verbier-Zermatt in 6 days


"This hat is useless. It won't keep you warm in the morning, and it's too hot for sunny afternoons."

Our guide, Jean, is tearing through Matt's backpack. Most of the gear meets his approval, but Jean has plenty of packing advice for his new clients. Share headlamps and toothpaste, he advises: every ounce of weight matters. But what about shovels and avalanche probes? Ice axes and prusik loops?

"Too heavy," Jean declares.

The two guides will carry these common safety items, he assures us. We glance at each other suspiciously: crevasse rescue, anyone? And if both guides are buried in an avalanche?

Hmm. But none of us has ever been ski touring in the Alps, whereas Jean has skied this particular route more than 150 times. We return to our hotel and empty our packs accordingly, happy to lose a few kilograms. Speed is safety!

It's Saturday night in Chamonix, and we are finally ready to begin our journey: the Haute Route from Chamonix to Zermatt. We'll spend the following six days skiing 70 kilometers across dozens of glaciers in 3 different countries, climbing 5200m along the way. By comparison, one ascends less than 3500m from the Everest base camp to its summit.

Our party of three Americans is joining a group of seven other clients and two guides from the Compagnie des Guides de Chamonix. Most are native French, and our gender diversity is typical: 11 men and a lone woman, who isn't the least bit daunted by the situation. Some clients are more than twice my age, while others have filled their packs with excess toiletries and pet rocks. Matt, Alex, and I smile at each other knowingly: this is not going to be a fast, efficient group. No point in hurrying to the meeting point tomorrow: we'll end up waiting around while bags are packed and repacked.



Day 1 : Chamonix to Argentière Hut

475m up, 925m down, 6 kilometers

We arrive at the Maison de la Montagne a few minutes late, casually munching on leftovers from breakfast. The entire group is ready to depart and waiting for us.

"You're late. Take this food," Jean commands, passing us three shopping bags and ushering us into waiting vans. It seems that last night's crusade to save weight has ended.

My shopping bag contains a dozen candy bars and pieces of fresh fruit, all for personal consumption. For group lunches, I'm carrying a pound of cheese and a loaf of bread. If we were skiing anywhere but the Alps, these would be sensible provisions. However, the backcountry huts we'll be visiting sell both snacks and hot lunches, along with an impressive selection of wines and beverages. I decide that Jean has simply lost focus, and promptly discard most of the candy and fruit, keeping only what I'll need for the first two days. Speed is safety!

It's warm and cloudy in the valley, but thanks to modern lift technology, we're soon whisked 2000 vertical meters up to the Col des Grands Montets, which is being attacked by icy winds. We quickly descend, making fresh tracks through light and fluffy powder. As the winds relax and the clouds part, it becomes suddenly clear that I'm surrounded by some of the most glorious mountains I've ever seen. The Col du Chardonnet looms above us, revealing a steep 750 meter climb that awaits us in the morning. Yikes.

We reach the flats of the Argentière Glacier and attach skins to our skis for our first ascent. Climbing gently through fresh snow, the group quickly falls into a synchronized rhythm, moving together as a centipede up the slope.

The Argentière hut, our destination, is reached in less than an hour. The final ascent rises steeply from the glacier and manages to challenge my novice skinning abilities. Matt and I end up slipping and sliding our way up, leaving me in a healthy sweat. We've only climbed 170 meters.

After a quick lunch at the hut, we ascend the nearby Glacier des Amethystes for a practice tour. Jean teaches me a better way to execute uphill kick turns, snapping my heel down and flicking my ski tip up (see Couloir Magazine's illustrated guide). I'm still sweating heavily and gasping for air, wasting lots of energy on inefficient turns and slipping backwards. But we've climbed another 300 meters, and stop for a practice session with our avalanche transceivers.

Amazingly, our group spends 5 minutes trying to switch all 12 beacons into "receive" mode, helpfully ensuring that any buried victims become hypothermic. Some are impressed as Alex uses his transceiver to quickly locate a guide's hidden backpack. The wonders of modern technology! It becomes clear that bringing shovels and probes wouldn't have made us any safer: they'd just be useful for recovering bodies.

We enjoy an evening of cards and wine at the Argentière hut, together with a hearty meal of meat and polenta. With any luck, the skies will clear by morning.

Day 2 : Argentière Hut to Champex »

Chamonix

(part of my guide to skiing the alps)

Visiting Chamonix is invariably a religious experience for extreme skiers and climbers. The history of alpinism in the nearby mountains spans more than two centuries, creating an ethereal mystique that lurks in every crevasse and couloir.


Whether or not you believe the hype, it's hard not to be impressed by the scenery. Ever seen a mountain looming 12,000 feet directly above your head (Mont Blanc)? If you want a closer look, take a quick tram ride up to the Aiguille du Midi (a mere 9,209 vertical feet above town) where you'll find yourself gasping for air and drunk after a beer or two. Or if you prefer, bring your skis and descend the Vallée Blanche, a legendary route back to Chamonix down 13 miles of glaciers... in this case, you might want to skip the beer.

Such legendary off-piste descents are part of the reason for Chamonix's fame: the town is buzzing with mountaineers and expert skiers. It's not unusual to ride the morning tram surrounded by more ice axes than rental skis. The dangers of crevasses and avalanches should not be taken lightly, however, and visitors attempting anything remotely "interesting" should almost certainly hire a guide.


In our first visit, we explored Chamonix's two biggest ski areas: Grands-Montets and Brévent-Flégère.
By alpine standards, neither is particular vast: Arlberg (St. Anton / Lech) and Verbier (4 Vallées) have perhaps ten times as many lifts and marked runs. Like Davos, Chamonix has five separate ski areas, but most visitors either head for the backcountry or stick to the two major areas.

Expert skiers will have no complaints at Grands-Montets: the wide open terrain betwen marked runs is epic. The Argentiere glacier is easily accessible from the summit, which also marks the beginning of the Haute Route, a classic ski tour which ends in Zermatt. On the front side of the mountain, the various bowls near the combe de la Pendant (L4) were full of fresh tracks. For snow quality, head far to the skiers' right of La Herse, below the obvious rocky spine.

Brévent-Flégère has its share of steep terrain, but lacks the glacier access and elevation of Grands-Montets, whose summit is 750m higher. Still, the views of Mont Blanc from the top of Le Brévent are jaw-dropping, and we had plenty of fun doing laps down piste B1 to Planpraz: a fitting, mellow end to our stellar week out in the Western Alps.


More reading: a good article from the Times (registration probably required). Pistehors has a good description of skiing the Vallée Blanche. Impressive backcountry descents, including the north face of the Aiguille du Midi, are documented here by a Cham local named Phil Ingle.



Verbier

(part of my guide to skiing the alps)

Verbier is the main destination in the massive ski network known as 4 Vallées. Don't forget your altimeter: 92 lifts and more than 6,000 vertical feet makes this one of the biggest resorts in the Alps (trail map). It's located roughly halfway between Chamonix and Zermatt, so on a clear day, you can send a shout out to Mont Blanc and the Matterhorn from the summit.

For a warm-up run, you can't beat the gorgeous descent from Col des Gentianes down to La Chaux, a gentle 2,200' drop down a valley with panoramic views. But if the snow's good, you'll have more fun skiing the bowls above Tortin, beginning either at Mont-Fort, Mont-Gelé, or Chassoure: the terrain here is deliciously vast and steep. Unfortunately, we missed the previous storm by more than a week, so we could only imagine the real glory. After two days of flopping around moguls, one of my free-heeled friends accepted his powderless fate and picked up a cheap pair of alpine skis to better enjoy the conditions.

Our most interesting run was a 4,200' descent from Lac des Vaux to La Tzoumaz by way of Vallon d'Arbi. After ten minutes, we found a bulldozed path tunneling through an apparent ice field, traversing sharply left across the valley. The path consisted of more rock than snow, of course, since I had just waxed and edged my skis the previous evening. No matter: below the traverse was a mushy-but-enjoyable bowl that drained into steep trees, both of which were a welcome respite from hard-packed moguls.

As with many marked "ski routes" in the Alps, the bottom of the valley wasn't anywhere near a ski lift. To reach La Tzoumaz, we skated and glided a few kilometers along a roadside path, wondering whether we'd managed to get hopelessly lost again (see Davos). We shortly reached La Tzoumaz, where a surprisingly long gondola (3,600' vertical) connected us back to the Verbier side via Savoleyres.

Getting to Verbier is relatively simple, unless you live in Zürich, from which all of the mountains in the Valais are a bit of a hike. Take a train to Martigny, then connect to the mountain railway going up towards Le Châble. Jump on the gondola here for a scenic ride into the middle of Verbier (avoid the slow PostAuto bus).

Be warned that Verbier is not a cheap place to sleep, eat, or drink, even by Swiss standards. We rented an apartment with a large terrace directly on Place Central from the Hotel Ermitage, from which we happily hosted our own après ski festivities.

Swiss German is a Farce

As any German speaker can tell you, the Swiss do not speak German. "Swiss German", or Schwyzertüütsch, is not a dialect: it's a whole new language. Or rather, it's a hodgepodge of dialects that are linguistically similar to medieval German but use wildly different pronunciations and spellings from each other. As Wikipedia reports: "Each dialect is separable in numerous local sub-dialects, sometimes down to a resolution of individual villages".

There aren't many rules behind Schwizertitsch: the name of the language itself can be written in a dozen different ways, all equally valid, because there isn't a standard written form. On the positive side, foreigners trying to learn the language can be wildly inventive: the Swiss will just assume you're a native speaker from some remote valley. All you need is confidence and a healthy amount of spit!

On a brief ski tour last weekend near Flumserberg, we came upon a small backcountry hut called Alp Fursch. The staff were extremely friendly and tolerant of our fumbling attempts to speak Hochdeutsch. Even better: their menu was actually written entirely in a Glarner dialect of Schwiizerdütsch, and they let us keep a copy as a souvenir.

An excerpt:

FEINI, HUUSGMACHTI


SPÄTZLI14.-/16.-
SUPPÄ6.50
CHÜÄCHÄ3.-
WÄIÄ3.50


D'MERHEIT FUDÄ ZUÄTATÄ SIND IIHEIMISCHI PRODUKT
& ALLÄS FLEISCH ISCH SCHWIIZERFLEISCH

GÄND ÜCH SORG BIM FÜRÄFAHRÄ!!!
MERSSI FÜRÄ BSUÄCH
Z'FURSCH-TEAM


The second-to-last line, "MERSSI FÜRÄ BSUÄCH", would probably be translated into Hochdeutsch as: "Danke für Ihre Besuch". The word "MERSSI" is their spelling of the French word "merci", which is commonly used in Swiss German. Whee!

Perhaps the translation becomes easier after drinking the hut's special alcoholic coffee drink, "Kafi Schätzli", which is proudly described as "DR HUUSKAFI, D'MISCHIG WIRD NÜD VERRATÄ!!!"

Sigh.