Neighborly Relations

Zuerichers aren't known for being especially fond of their neighbors. A typical apartment building relies on complex rules to keep its residents happily coexisting, regulating everything from laundry hours to toilet flushing.

Three months ago, one of my neighbors decided to post an comically indignant letter by the elevator. It's still there today. Click on the image above to see the original German, or read my feeble attempt at translating:

Dear Honorable Ladies and Gentlemen,

Unfortunately I must report that, to my great horror, the outside wall of my veranda and part of the floor are coated with a sticky film, rather like an oil slick. Several huge patches are visible along the facade and canopy.

Of course it's completely and entirely unacceptable that any rubbish, crud, or oil-like fluids be thrown on the porch, which, after all, is not a waste dump.

I expect the person who caused this swinish mess to report themselves to me, to apologize and to arrange for a thorough cleaning of my veranda.

Presumably the culprit remains at large. Luckily I don't live directly above her apartment, so I can keep disposing of my motor oil and cooking grease on the patio.